Forbidden
by Z.Q.S
Summary: (AU) The story of Arwen's first love, contians slash and violence. Any feedback will be much appreciated :)


FORBIDDEN   
  
Love is a sincere emotion expressed between 2 people. Two people: a man and a woman. The love between a man and a woman is smiled upon, even more so once they are married and permitted to express their love in every possible way.  
  
The love between two women is unnatural. A sin. A disgrace cast like a shadow upon those involved and their families for generations to come. A crime that to some, should be punishable by death...  
  
"If it's so wrong then why do we feel this way?" A voice shaking with emotion, yet elegant like a wind chime. "Why would the Valar fill our hearts with so much love for each other, Arwen, if it would be named a sin?"  
  
Arwen was speechless. She didn't know the answer to that. All she knew was what her heart yearned for was something nobody would accept. Tears were streaming down her beautiful face as she tried so desperately to conceal the feelings that were mercilessly thrashing the walls of her heart. She looked deep into her companion's eyes, trying to find an answer. But all she found was pain. The pain of not being able to have what the heart so desperately needed. It was a pain that mirrored her own in every way.   
  
"Amarië..." she began, cupping the other elf's face in her hands, feeling the last few bonds of her own restraint breaking "... I love you."  
  
Arwen Evenstar, daughter of Elrond, felt like she had just betrayed everything taught to her by centuries of experience. That she would be shunned by her entire race for saying those three words to another of her own sex. Yet her heart felt alleviated. Like it had finally been granted freedom after being a prisoner of its own conscience for so long. She leaned forward and quickly closed the space between herself and the other by covering Amarië's rose petal lips with her own.   
  
Amarië Finduilas, born to Miguel and Mélawen, and sister to Angaráto. Her father was a man much revered by a great deal of the Elven population of his time. A warrior by nature, who wooed and wed the beautiful Lady Mélawen. Almost 2 years later, Miguel and Mélawen were blessed with a son who they named Angaráto. However, in spite his Elven heritage, Angaráto's bad temper and violent nature overshadowed any Elven characteristics he had, making him somewhat of an outcast to other Elves. The only reason they tolerated him was because his mother's family was that of Elven nobility.  
  
Amarië on the other hand, born a decade after her brother, was everything an elf should have been. She was noble, gentle, kind, and stunningly beautiful. Her eyes were like bright black stars - not blue like other elves', but pure black and sparkling like diamonds. Her skin, tanned like her father's, yet Elven as it would glow like gold. Her lips imitated red rose petals - deeply colored, yet delicate like a feather. And her hair; black as the night, yet luminous like the sun.   
  
Arwen and Amarië had been secret lovers for almost 54 years. They walked through the forest hand in hand, their love still blossoming like the flowers around them and hidden from the criticizing eyes of others. It was then that Amarië gave Arwen something precious.   
  
"For you, my love," Amarië took the blue-eyed elf's hand in her own and slid something small and delicate into her palm. It was a jewel abstractly shaped like a flower within a heart, with wings and two tails intertwining.   
  
"Amarië, this is..."  
  
"For you Arwen! For my soul mate."  
  
The Evenstar pendant, something of great value and beauty, crafted especially with love for the one it was named after. Wordlessly Arwen accepted the gift and embraced her lover. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as her heart melted at that touching gesture. Arwen began planting soft kisses on the side of Amarië's face, who responded by affectionately nuzzling the bottom of the other's milky white neck. "I love you so much! You must remember that should anything happen to us."  
  
Arwen immediately pulled away. "Nothing will happen to us! Why must you say such awful things?"   
  
Amarië chuckled at Arwen's sudden burst of emotion. "You are so passionate my love! Even children of the stars might eventually bid the world farewell, like men. But we will continue to be together no matter where fate may lead us."  
  
Not wanting to hear any more, Arwen gently covered Amarië's mouth with her own. Rose petals against strawberries, intertwining an affectionate kiss. Suddenly a rustling sound was heard. The elves immediately broke apart. "Someone is coming," Amarië said looking around "we must leave!" Quickly the two fled the forest, afraid of being discovered.  
  
Gentle caresses, tender kisses and words of affection. Arwen and Amarië lay happily in each other's arms, oblivious to the world round them. Ivory white skin below tanned gold, both moving in the rhythmic unison of love. The silken sheets of Amarië's bed only complimented the softness of their lithe bodies.   
  
"WHORES!"   
  
Immediately the lovers broke apart. To their horror, they saw Angaráto standing in the doorway of Amarië's room, sheer rage in his eyes. "You dirty, sinful, vile jezebels!" he screamed. "I knew it was you! I saw you in the woods, tainting your surroundings with your immorality!"  
  
In a state of panic, Amarië and Arwen scrambled to cover up their nudity as Angaráto made his way to the bed they were making love in just moments ago. He roughly grabbed his sister by the hair and sneered in disgust "I would rather be related to an Orc than be called your brother!" She struggled, trying to set herself free but to no avail. And then he struck her across the face. Hard. Amarië yelped in pain.  
  
"No!" Arwen tried to loosen Angaráto's grip on Amarië but that was no good. He was much bigger and stronger than both of them. He easily subdued his sister with one hand and with the other, grabbed Arwen's neck. She struggled to breathe, but Angaráto did not ease up. Instead he forced her to look at him and hatefully said "You are the reason my sister is corrupted. Elrond will slit your throat when he hears of this, I'm sure of it!" And with that, he flung her across the bed and onto the floor.   
  
Arwen hit her head and took a few moments to recompose herself. She heard Amarië crying out in pain and pleading with her brother to let her go. She looked up to see Angaráto violently dragging his sister out of the room by her hair and noticed that he was equipped with a dagger.   
  
"Oh no!" Arwen yelped once she realized Angaráto's intention. She leapt to her feet and gave them chase. Unfortunately, the pair was nowhere to be seen. Frantically Arwen searched the house. She could hear Amarië crying and screaming and followed her ears. But what she soon found made her blood run cold.  
  
Amarië lay in one of the rooms, barely alive, in a pool of her own blood. Her whole body was mutilated. Arwen was too late. Brutal stab wounds covered Amarië's dainty limbs and torso, each one oozing out crimson. Angaráto was nowhere to be seen.   
  
Arwen fell to her knees, the utter shock and horror of seeing her lover like that having gotten the best of her.  
  
"Arwen..." Amarië weakly uttered, holding out her hand.   
  
Hesitantly, Arwen took the bloodied appendage into her own. The initial shock began to ware off and was replaced by pure sadness. She looked deep into Amarië's black eyes, still beautiful, but quickly loosing their radiance.   
  
Arwen's eyes filled with tears. She knew this was the end. Her body began to tremble with heartbreaking sobs as she gingerly held Amarië in her arms one last time.  
  
"You must be strong, my love" Amarië whispered, "for the sake of your father and all those who love you."  
  
"But how can I? Without you..." Arwen's voice was shaking.  
  
"You will. I have faith in you." At that point Amarië's voice was so weak that Arwen had to position her ear right next to Amarië's mouth in order to hear her. "And promise me Arwen, that you will find happiness."  
  
"I promise." Arwen's tears fell freely as she gently and lovingly pressed her lips over Amarië's for the last time. When she pulled back, Amarië lay completely still in her arms, never to move again.  
  
"It is mine to give to whomever I choose, as is my heart." Arwen looked deep into Aragorn's stormy eyes, which were glazed over with unreadable emotion. He opened his mouth to protest but she hushed him. She placed the Evenstar pendent in the man's hand and closed his fist around it. "Please, take it" she murmured. He silently obliged and kissed her.  
  
The void in Arwen's heart had finally been filled once again. She was engaged to a man who greatly cared for her, and she for him. Even though her father was not happy about the union, he felt at peace seeing his daughter smile again. She had been devastated after loosing Amarië. And it broke Elrond's heart to see his daughter so.   
  
But something was amiss.  
  
Arwen couldn't quite put a finger on it, but she knew that something just wasn't right. Was it Aragorn? Was it the unsure look in his eyes when he held the Evenstar jewel? Was it the fact that Elrond hadn't given the union his blessing? Or was it something else? As much as she tried to ignore it, the feeling just continued to haunt her, allowing her absolutely no piece of mind.  
  
It was late at night. Arwen quietly moved towards Aragorn's quarters, hoping to talk with him about the insecurity that plagued her. The halls were quiet as everyone had retired for the night. All that could be heard was the rustling of leaves outside. She stopped when she reached her destination and paused for a moment. She could see faint light coming from under Aragorn's door and was reassured that he was indeed still awake.   
  
Gently Arwen knocked at the door. There was no reply. She knocked again and softly called out Aragorn's name. Again, no answer. Confused, she placed a delicate hand over the ornate bronze doorknob and twisted it. The door slowly opened, and what Arwen saw before her made her hear jump to her throat.  
  
Aragorn lay sprawled across the bed, his tunic off and breeches undone, wearing a look of pure euphoria on his face. A small whimper escaped his parted lips as a pair of hands pleasured him, caressing his chest, stomach, and aroused manhood. But the hands were not his own. They belonged to the nude elf perched over him. Legolas Greenleaf.  
  
Frozen silent in shock, Arwen watched as Legolas continued to caress and fondle the man, lowering his head to kiss his way down the toned torso, to the hardness below. When the blonde elf's head reached between Aragorn's thighs, a pink tongue darted out his delicate lips and teasingly flicked along the arousal, causing the man to moan and lightly dig his fingers into the elf's shoulders. And when Legolas took the manhood into his mouth and began to suck on it, Arwen gasped in horror.  
  
Suddenly Legolas stiffened and looked up at Arwen, his face suddenly being washed with shock, shame and guilt. Aragorn followed suit. But before they had a chance to react further, Arwen scurried off. She ran out of the house and into the woods as fast as her feet would allow. Only when she felt out of breath, did she stop.  
  
Arwen's head was in a jumble. She leaned against a large rock and tried to recompose herself. She had just witnessed the man she was to marry, in bed with another elf. And that too a male elf.   
  
Oddly, Arwen felt no anger or betrayal. But she did feel a strong sense of déjà vu. Two lovers, forced to keep their relationship a secret because of who they were, because they would be scorned by all for loving another of similar gender.   
  
Tears began to well up in the elf's eyes as painful memories flooded into her head and an aching pricked her heart. She looked up into the sky, gazing at the constellations of heavenly bodies in an attempt to avoid being overwhelmed by all the thoughts rushing to her.   
  
Everything became crystal clear: Aragorn's hesitation when he accepted her gift. The flush of guilt that would creep onto Legolas's face every time he was around her, never being able to look her in the eye. But most of all, she now knew what caused the mental discomfort that had burdened her as of late.   
  
In truth Arwen had never loved Aragorn the way she should have, the way a woman loves a man, and a wife her husband. Her immortality had not been sacrificed for him either. At that moment a teardrop escaped form her eye and she whispered a single word "Amarië..."  
  
It had all been for her. For Amarië Finduilas, Arwen's true love. How could she have married Aragorn while her heart belonged to another? He had merely been there to fill up the emptiness carved within her breast. A small smile played upon her lips as she thought of the man. He deserved to be with Legolas if it brought him joy.  
  
"Arwen..."  
  
The elf turned to see Aragorn standing behind her, wearing only his breeches, which had now been securely fastened. Unbridled shame and guilt played upon his face leaving him unable to look her in the eye. She also noticed the Evenstar pendent around his neck, which had been absent when he was with Legolas.  
  
"If I ask you a question, Aragorn, will you answer it truthfully?"  
  
The man nodded at first, then reiterated his reply in a low toned voice, "I shall."   
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
Aragorn looked up at Arwen, making brief eye contact with her, only to drop it again. He seemed to be thinking of the right words to say. After a few moments of silence he spoke. "I know not what to say to you, fair Arwen, that will not cause you more pain than you have already suffered this night."  
  
"I only wish to hear the truth," she replied gracefully.   
  
After another short pause Aragorn spoke again, "If it is indeed what you desire to hear Lady, then yes. Truth be told I am in love with Legolas... Please forgive me!" By now the man seemed to be trembling with guilt as his head hung low in shame.  
  
"And does he love you in return?"  
  
"He does."  
  
A smile spread over Arwen's delicate strawberry lips on hearing that. For some reason it felt as though the love she had once shared with Amarië was now being carried on. She stepped closer to the man and lifted his chin so he could meet her gaze. "Then feel no shame for what your heart desires!"  
  
The guilt on Aragorn's face transformed to confusion. "Lady I... I mean, do you not..."  
  
"Hush now," Arwen placed a finger over the man's mouth, knowing very well that he had not expected this reaction from her. "The explanation is long if you wish to hear it." He agreed, and she began to tell him all about her past. From the time she had first realized her feelings for Amarië, to how her love had brutally lost her life, and how her own world had been incomplete ever since. By the end of her story Arwen felt a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders, as she had finally been able to share her story with someone.   
  
Aragorn too looked slightly at easy when he spoke. "It seems that you and I are more similar to each other than we may have first thought."  
  
"Indeed we are. Too similar to be married even, would you not agree?"  
  
The man nodded in response. "Your father may be pleased to hear of that. He never did give us his blessing."  
  
"Nay he did not," replied the elf. "But my father is not the only one who will be joyful on this news, is he?" Arwen's soft blue eyes twinkled pleasingly as she spoke which made Aragorn smile too. "You and Legolas have my blessing," she continued. "Now go to him, he needs you right now." Aragorn obliged. But not before removing the Evenstar from his neck to return to Arwen. However she stopped him. "It is a symbol of the love that Amarië and I shared. It belongs with you now, amongst lovers."  
  
"Thank you my lady," Aragorn kissed Arwen's hand. "You are truly a nobly creature!" And with that he left.  
  
Arwen was smiling to herself as she watched Aragorn walk off. "May the Valar be with you," she whispered. Then just as soon as her heart had been lightened, she was struck with grief. There was a void within her again. She had promised Amarië that she would find happiness, and for a moment she thought she had. But in truth, Arwen knew that she would only find true happiness with her soul mate.  
  
Again she gazed upon the heavens with a heavy heart and sighed. "How I wish you were here with me, my love..." Tears streamed down her fair face as her heart erupted with pain. For so long had she tried to control it, tried to take on the icy elven demeanor, but it was all falling apart now. Just like Arwen was. It was true that elves could die from intense grief and heartache, and at that moment Arwen Evenstar wished for death to consume her.  
  
Hastily she tore out leaves from the small journal in her pocket and wrote upon them the words of her heart. Then, Arwen produced a palm-sized glass vial of her favorite perfume and smashed it against a rock. It broke into many tiny pieces and some of the fragrant liquid spilled onto her pale, porcelain skin. All that was left of it was a three inch long shard of glass, unusually beautiful, yet a weapon in it's own right.  
  
Arwen gazed upon the broken piece of glass for a moment. Her ocean colored eyes traced its impossibly sharp edges. Then with a deep breath she brought she small object to her wrist and sliced through her delicate flesh. A gush of crimson surged out, followed by a sharp sting of pain. Her hands began to tremble, yet she conjured up enough strength to hold the deadly shard of glass to her other wrist and repeat the slitting action, causing renewed pain and blood.  
  
After a few moments the pain began to dull and Arwen felt a sudden chill pass through her. Her strength was draining as blood continued to ooze out of her, looking almost black against the pale elven skin. Even sitting up became too taxing upon her quickly weakening body and it slumped and fell onto the forest floor.  
  
And all the while only one thing occupied Arwen's thoughts.   
  
"My love... I shall soon join you..."  
  
It wasn't long before unconsciousness took over Arwen. Her heart stopped beating soon after. Clutched within her hand was a note she had written to Aragorn, her dear friend and the only person trusted with the secrets of her past.  
  
It would be 12 hours before the body would be found. The once radiant body that belonged to a beautiful elf named Arwen Evenstar Undomiel. 


End file.
